How to Make Friends in a New City

1. Why making friends after a move feels hard

At school or college, friendships happen almost by accident: you see the same people every day, you share a timetable and nobody needs a reason to say hello. After a move, that structure disappears. Colleagues go home to their own lives, flatmates keep different hours and everyone seems to already have a group.

None of this means something is wrong with you. It means you need to rebuild the structure that used to do the work for you.

2. Build routines where the same people show up

Friendships grow from repeated, low-stakes contact. Pick two or three places you can visit on a regular schedule and become a familiar face:

• the same gym slot, running group or yoga class each week
• a café, library or co-working space you use on fixed days
• a weekend market, community garden or place of worship if that suits you
• a sports court or badminton group that plays at a set time

After a few visits, a nod turns into a “you again!”, and that is often the opening you need.

3. Let your interests do the introductions

Shared interests give you something to talk about before you know each other. Look for groups where the activity is the point and conversation happens naturally:

• book clubs, quiz nights, open mics and board-game cafés
• trekking, cycling or photography walks
• volunteering with a local NGO or animal shelter
• alumni associations, college societies and workplace clubs
• classes such as dance, pottery, a language or cooking

Choose one or two and go more than once. The second and third visits are where people start to remember your name.

4. Make the first move easy

You don’t need a clever line. A specific, friendly question works better than a general “hi”:

• “How long have you been coming here? I just moved and I’m still figuring out the city.”
• “Any food places nearby you’d actually recommend?”
• “That was a fun session. Are you coming next week?”

If a conversation goes well, suggest a small next step: a chai after class, a walk, or joining the same event again. Our conversation starters have more ideas.

5. Where online chat fits

Online conversation can take the edge off meeting people, especially if you’re shy or new. Talking one-to-one first lets you find out whether you actually click before you plan anything in person.

BeAnon is being built for exactly this kind of low-pressure start. In the planned app you pick a few interests, chat one-to-one without a public profile or real name, and become friends only when you both choose to. You can read more in how BeAnon works.

6. Moving from chat to meeting, safely

If you decide to meet someone you first spoke to online:

• meet in a busy public place and plan your own transport
• tell a friend or family member where you’re going and when
• keep your home address, workplace details and financial information private at first
• leave if anything feels off. You never owe anyone more time

Our guide to chatting with strangers safely covers warning signs and how to leave a conversation.

7. Give friendships time

Close friendships take many hours of time together. One widely cited study by Jeffrey Hall estimated that moving from acquaintance to casual friend takes around 50 hours, and becoming close friends takes over 200 (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2019). Slow progress is normal. Keep showing up.

FAQ

How long does it take to make friends in a new city?

It varies more than most people expect, but a few months of regular contact before an acquaintance starts to feel like a friend is normal rather than slow. What matters most is repetition: seeing or speaking to the same people often enough that conversations carry over, rather than any single brilliant meeting. That is why regular fixtures — a weekly class, a recurring group, a sport, a volunteering slot — tend to work better than one-off events, even when the one-off event feels more sociable at the time. Expect the first few weeks to feel like effort with little return, because that is the part where nothing has accumulated yet. If it is taking longer than you hoped, that usually reflects how few repeated contacts a new city gives you by default, not something lacking in you. Choose a small number of things you can return to consistently.

Is it okay to use apps to make friends?

Yes, and for a lot of people it is the most practical option, particularly in a new city where you have few existing contacts to build on. Apps let you find people with shared interests and warm up through conversation first, which can be far easier than trying to turn a stranger at an event into a friend on the spot. Choose apps with clear age rules and real safety controls — the ability to leave, block and report easily — and read what the app actually does with your data before signing up. Keep identifying details private until you have decided you trust someone, and be wary of anyone who pushes you to move faster than you want. If you arrange to meet in person, choose somewhere public the first few times, tell someone you trust where you are going, and leave if anything feels wrong.

What if I’m shy?

Start where the social pressure is lowest. Activity-based groups help, because you have something to do together and the activity carries the conversation: a class, a run club, a board-game night or volunteering all give you a reason to be there and something obvious to talk about. One-to-one chats are usually easier than groups for the same reason — there is no competing for space, no need to perform, and a quiet pause is not awkward. Give yourself permission to start small and to leave early. Shyness tends to ease with familiarity rather than effort, so returning to the same group a few times will do more than pushing yourself into one large event. You do not need to become an outgoing person to make good friends. See our guide on making friends online as an introvert.